The Power of Words

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter.  ‘Tis the difference between the lightening bug and the lightening.” – Mark Twain

Mindfulness can be practiced in many forms. We can be mindful about what and how we eat, the feeling of the ground under our feet as we walk, and of our breath and thoughts as we sit in the present moment.  And, we can be mindful of the intention behind the words we use, and how those words may shape how we see ourselves and the world.

There is one word that, for me, has over the years become a beacon of mindful awareness in my vocabulary. Whether I say it out loud or catch it within my internal dialogue, this word signals me to take a moment and calibrate: is this my authentic experience, and are my thoughts telling what really needs to happen?  And what is that word? “Should.”

“Should” is not a 'bad' or 'negative' word.  In fact, I view it as a close friend for what it can show me, and it has a valid and appropriate place in my vocabulary.  But in many ways, this word has become a guide in this face-paced, demanding and convoluted world, signaling me when I should pause and reflect on whether I am projecting, deflecting, expecting, or judging, rather than just accepting and making my choice in response to things as they are.  There are many ways “should” can pop up in my mind’s dialog.  Hypothetical examples include:

●        I “should” go to the store. [Task or Action]

●        I “should” be grateful. [Attitude or Feeling]

●        I “should” stop talking and just be quiet. [Behavior]

Typically, when I find that I use the word “should”, a nearly inaudible “but” follows. Hypothetically,

●        I “should” go to the store… [“but” I am exhausted and don’t have the energy to go at this time.]

●        I “should” be grateful… [“but” I am heartbroken and sad.]

●        I “should” stop talking and be quiet… [“but” I have something to say!]

The “but” statements are so easy to ignore, rationalize, marginalize. In some cases, cultural and societal conditioning has taught me to ignore or further judge my “but” statements. Yet it is these subtle extensions of the “should” that, when I can recognize them, help point out what might be happening in the moment and eventually lead to empowering authentic response and choice.  For example,  “I should go to the store (but I am exhausted and don’t have the energy to go at this time”), I'd have the choice to a) ask for help (maybe my husband will go to the store?) or b) consciously reframe: I “can” go to the grocery store (no longer a “should”) and I will make rest a priority when I get home. There’s no subtle pressure or expectation that sometimes comes loaded with “should.”  Now, there’s just the awareness of my experience and my chosen response in the present moment.

What does this have to do with experiencing cancer and supporting someone with cancer? When facing cancer, when so much can be in upheaval, when thoughts can come flying fast and furious, when the body is being or has been assaulted, fostering awareness can cultivate a practice to help reconnect to authentic response and need as well as engage recognition of actual authentic experience. Additionally, once aware, there can be choice.  And once there is choice, empowerment follows.

Cultivating empowerment over that which can be controlled - our thoughts and perceptions - is a wonderful anecdote to the uncertainty of cancer.  Additionally, conserving mental and emotional energy by developing awareness of authentic experiences and honoring what one needs in each moment can help navigate the tumultuous cancer experience. Overall, awareness, empowerment and living authentically can improve quality of life. It goes beyond being treated for a disease.  It's about thriving, flourishing and living fully in each precious moment of the life we are gifted.  

So, do you have word that signals a pause of awareness? What might be a word that may be a teacher to you?  Could your word signal that there’s more to follow, a “but” or “and” which may reveal even more about your authentic experience, centering you in the present moment? I hope you enjoy considering these inquiries, reflecting on the subtle ways words can have power, and cultivating various empowering mindful practices that may work for you.  

Happy awareness cultivating!

Elizabeth Klein

Executive Director